Smiles, Laffs and Reminds Me of a Serial Killer! (and lands on Dontdatehimgirl.com)

Okay, want to know what creeps out women on online dating sites? Why we don't give you our last names, addresses and phone numbers?

Guys like Smiles_and_Laffs, aka "Dan Kidd."

Go ahead. Look him up on Match.com. Then look him up again. On DontDateHimGirl.com. Cuz that's just the penalty box to which LusciousLips and I sent him.

It all started when LusciousLips started corresponding with this Never-Married 33-year-old. (Now I have a strong bias against the Never Marrieds, just as the Divorced have against the Separated. I tend to believe that if you hit a certain age and still aren't married or haven't been in a committed relationship producing children, that you are possibly damaged goods at best and dangerous at worst.) He worked that email, pushing all the right buttons. Smooth. Too smooth. It was like foreplay.

The first red flag from this guy: he wanted the first date to be a weekend away at a spa, with side-by-side massages that would evolve into something more.

The second red flag: We could not trace the name Dan Kidd to any database in any of the states this guy said he lived in, including Minnesota. Sure, there were Dan Kidds. But they died in 1857.

Being sensible, LusciousLips persuaded Smiles_and_Laffs to meet her in a public restaurant. She primped. She drove 20 miles.

She waited.

And waited.

He never turned up.

The next day, she wrote him to find out what the hell happened. Then she found out she was the victim of a sick psychological prank. The asshole sent her a note confessing that he was playing her for a fool, had no intention of dating her, and proceeded to attack her character. It was vicious stuff for anyone to listen to, let alone someone newly separated who gets treated to character assassinations on a regular basis from her STBX.

So when LusciousLips was over at my place Saturday, we decided to play the guy right back. (Yes, we had nothing better to do. Thanks for asking.) I signed onto my Match account (because you can't send email with the phantom account). I sent him the following note:

Subject line: "Writer to Writer"
Message: "I'm a writer, too, finding a new voice awakening in me. What do you write about?"

That "voice awakening" was Luscious' idea, by the way.

Here is what he replied today:

Just read your profile. There's such a thing as being assertive and knowing what you want. Then there's women like you. Your profile is FILLED with resentment and hostility, hidden behind your demands for perfection. We want to learn about who you are, not what a world controlled by you would look like.Which Sex & the City chick are you? First, you're probably the slut with severe psychological problems. Wait...that's ALL the women on Sex & the City. Second, that show is extremely passe. Who even remembers who's who, and who cares? Thanks, but no thanks. You're exactly the opposite of what I (and all sane men) are looking for. I don't doubt you're a writer, but you're obviously not a good READER, because you'd see that you're much too old for me anyway. Love, Dan

WHOA! What the fuck? Just who exactly projects resentment and hostility here, dude? How many bodies are buried in your backyard, anyway? And who molested you as a child?
So naturally, this all got posted onto DDHG.com. And reported to Match for investigation. And posted here. Don't be messin' with an ANGRY, SLUTTY OLD BITCH!