"Christian/Other" = Fundamentalist Promise Keeper
"Spiritual but not religious" = Keeping the polygamy option open
"Athletic/Toned" = I once played high school sports
"5' 10" = 5' 8"
"Social drinker/maybe one or two" = That's in the morning
"Regular drinker" = Drunk right now
"Drink: Never" = I go to AA Wednesdays
"Professional" = Just got health insurance
"Heart of an artist" = Unemployed again
"Entrepreneur" = Utterly unemployable
"Harley rider" = Midlife crisis
"Long walks" = Low on funds
"Blues/jazz" = Milquetoast
"Romantic" = Horny, but insecure
"Sensual/sensuous" = Limp dick
"Erotic" = Date rape
"Communicative" = Expects phone sex
"Flirtatious" = Player
"Adventurous" = Wants a 3-way
"Looking for honesty" = Total liar
"Honest" = Tactless bastard
"Trustworthy" = Email me nude photos
"Loyal" = Clingy and needy
"Faithful" = Until my next date shows up
"Giving" = Keeps score
"Irreverent" = Arrogant asshole
"Intelligent" = Tedious and not compelling
"Baggage-free" = The restraining order was just lifted
"Carefree" = Survived herpes scare
"Unconventional" = Cross-dresser
"My job: IT professional" = Cyberstalker
"My job: Executive" = Controlling bastard ("the Man")
"My job: Massage Therapist" = Mentally ill
"Turn-ons: Erotica" = Great porn collection
"Last read: the New Yorker" = Pompous twit
"Want kids: Probably Not" = No way am I getting a vasectomy
"Want kids: No Way" = Vasectomy
"Sports and Exercise: Bicycling" = Possibly impotent, but probably shaved
"Interests: Shopping/Antiquing" = Homosexual fantasies
"Pets I like: Gerbils" = Enjoys buggery
"Best Feature: Eyes" = Wolf. "All the better to undress you with, my dear!"
"Best Feature: Lips" = Wolf. "All the better to eat you with, my dear!"
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