Got an Old Flame? Why Not Carry Your Torch in the Olympic Relay?

All this controversy surrounding the Olympic Torch Relay has me thinking: Relay. Torch. China.

I've got it! Let's get away from an event that is causing divisiveness (hell--riots!) and get back to a good old "I'd like to teach the world to sing" moment (which I'm sure Coca-Cola would love to sponsor). Instead of carrying dangerous, flammable, incendiary torches, how about carrying the other kind of torch: your old flame!

What better excuse to look up the one that got away? "What do you say, sweetie, should we embrace in the spirit of global peace and friendly competition?" Couples that might-have-been can be-again.

I propose transforming the Australian tradition of "wife-carrying" (see photo above) into "torch carrying. (No wives allowed!

What could be more heart-warming than seeing a graying man carrying his faded rose tenderly along the World Wide Torch Route? What would be more in the spirit of athleticism than watching him grunt under the weight of those extra pounds she has piled up over the years?

And hell, if they get back together when it's over they can always go register.

For China.