Cats are purrfect for heart health! Dogs are ruff!

This fourth-hand bit of trivia just in from a study released weeks ago:

"Owning a cat could cut your heart attack risk by one third. No such effect was seen from dog ownership, but the researchers say that could be because there weren't enough dog owners in the study population to provide meaningful statistics."

Well, they say it's a fluke of the study, but I think the finding about dogs is clear: people -- women especially (except lesbians) -- who have dogs must be at least fifty times less likely to pair up with men. Oh wait. Maybe that would result in better health... Whatever... Bitches.

Separated at birth?

To me, Norm Coleman, has always looked liked another New York Doll:

And here's a young Norm meeting with some of his constituents to discuss his erection -- I mean, election.

The guy certainly understands the importance of getting out among the young folks and "pressing the flesh."

My Minnesota Senator: Should I Go for Norm Coleman's Bad-Boy Past or Al Franken's Excellent Butt?

LEFT and RIGHT (Get it??): Minnesota Senator Norm Coleman

Duuuuuude! Norm Coleman was so psychedelicious back in the day when he was still a liberal Jew from Brooklyn, going to Hofstra and sticking it to The Man that he has since become. Look at him. What a bad boy. Mmmm hmmm.

Something about going to Law School in Iowa City just warped him, man. Must have been a bad hit in the bathroom at the 'Liner that made him bi-politicalar.

I mean, doesn't Al Franken seem New Yorkier and Jewier than Norm? (LEFT: , a younger Franken).

But as a Harvard man and a nice boy from Minnesota's St. Jewish Park, Al wasn't quite as cool as Norm. Smarter, sure. I mean Al aced the math section on the SATs. But definitely not cooler.

But Al, he kicks BUTT. Literally! I was placed in the booth next to Al at the Education Minnesota exhibit hall for two days and got plenty of time to check out that cute butt of his. So Squeezable! Check it out (RIGHT):

Okay, then there's Mike Ciresi. It's like a guy looking for an image. But like they say on Sesame Street, "one of these things is not like the other." Ciresi is not the least New Yorkie or Jewish. Perhaps he should re-brand himself. Something slightly subversive like Norm, with that flowing hair. Something snarky like Al--maybe a funny expression or gesture. But something, well CHRISTIAN, too:

Yeah, Ciresi for Senate, man!

An Apple a day makes the tumor disappear?

So the Science Guy who brought you the iPhone is skeptical of traditional medicine and, when diagnosed with a serious, but treatable form of pancreatic cancer in 2003, Steve Jobs decided to forgo surgery for nine months and use a "special diet" to treat it. Huh? Wow, do you think Apple's tech support will start suggesting that customers just give their broken iPods little massages instead mailing them back for invasive procedures? Ultimately, the fruity CEO had the surgery and recovered, but the more disturbing thing is he didn't tell Apple investors about it until it was over.

I hate Rick Steves, the travel weiner

Who ever thought there would be a guy who could make travel seem boring and wimpy? Well, that guy is Rick Steves, and PBS loves him. Maybe it's his whiny, Canadian-like effeminate voice. Maybe it's just some chemical thing with me, but God, I hate his travel show! Mind you, I've nothing against nerds. Hell, some of my best friends... But a travel writer should be able to impart some romance, some adventure, to travel. Steves just makes it sound so planned and dull and... weinerish. Did this guy ever ONCE get laid in his travels? Go skinny dipping in Yugoslavia? Get roaring drunk in.... well, most any country and do stupid things at 3 am and have to evade police? (I have!) You can bet he hasn't. He was too busy writing in his journal and planning his itinerary for the next day. Has this guy been middle-aged since his teens?

In summary, I hate Rick Steves.

Good news for single gals!

Luvs2cuddle

A new report out by the Pew Center shows that more men (1 in 66) in the age group 30 to 39 are behind bars than in next oldest group (1 in 126 for ages 40 to 54), presumably meaning...there will be more hot 40+ single men on the street soon! Watch out for these lady killers!

Smiles, Laffs and Reminds Me of a Serial Killer! (and lands on Dontdatehimgirl.com)

Okay, want to know what creeps out women on online dating sites? Why we don't give you our last names, addresses and phone numbers?

Guys like Smiles_and_Laffs, aka "Dan Kidd."

Go ahead. Look him up on Match.com. Then look him up again. On DontDateHimGirl.com. Cuz that's just the penalty box to which LusciousLips and I sent him.

It all started when LusciousLips started corresponding with this Never-Married 33-year-old. (Now I have a strong bias against the Never Marrieds, just as the Divorced have against the Separated. I tend to believe that if you hit a certain age and still aren't married or haven't been in a committed relationship producing children, that you are possibly damaged goods at best and dangerous at worst.) He worked that email, pushing all the right buttons. Smooth. Too smooth. It was like foreplay.

The first red flag from this guy: he wanted the first date to be a weekend away at a spa, with side-by-side massages that would evolve into something more.

The second red flag: We could not trace the name Dan Kidd to any database in any of the states this guy said he lived in, including Minnesota. Sure, there were Dan Kidds. But they died in 1857.

Being sensible, LusciousLips persuaded Smiles_and_Laffs to meet her in a public restaurant. She primped. She drove 20 miles.

She waited.

And waited.

He never turned up.

The next day, she wrote him to find out what the hell happened. Then she found out she was the victim of a sick psychological prank. The asshole sent her a note confessing that he was playing her for a fool, had no intention of dating her, and proceeded to attack her character. It was vicious stuff for anyone to listen to, let alone someone newly separated who gets treated to character assassinations on a regular basis from her STBX.

So when LusciousLips was over at my place Saturday, we decided to play the guy right back. (Yes, we had nothing better to do. Thanks for asking.) I signed onto my Match account (because you can't send email with the phantom account). I sent him the following note:

Subject line: "Writer to Writer"
Message: "I'm a writer, too, finding a new voice awakening in me. What do you write about?"

That "voice awakening" was Luscious' idea, by the way.

Here is what he replied today:

Just read your profile. There's such a thing as being assertive and knowing what you want. Then there's women like you. Your profile is FILLED with resentment and hostility, hidden behind your demands for perfection. We want to learn about who you are, not what a world controlled by you would look like.Which Sex & the City chick are you? First, you're probably the slut with severe psychological problems. Wait...that's ALL the women on Sex & the City. Second, that show is extremely passe. Who even remembers who's who, and who cares? Thanks, but no thanks. You're exactly the opposite of what I (and all sane men) are looking for. I don't doubt you're a writer, but you're obviously not a good READER, because you'd see that you're much too old for me anyway. Love, Dan

WHOA! What the fuck? Just who exactly projects resentment and hostility here, dude? How many bodies are buried in your backyard, anyway? And who molested you as a child?
So naturally, this all got posted onto DDHG.com. And reported to Match for investigation. And posted here. Don't be messin' with an ANGRY, SLUTTY OLD BITCH!